Peace out.

I'm on my way to the airport (at 4:15 am) with two barely at-weight suitcases and an awesome new 'do.

See you on the other side.

Instead of packing....

I've been doing about anything I can find to do. I've been shopping. I attempted to re-route Sam's flight home from Tokyo. I've been organizing files on my computer. I watched a Harry Potter movie on HBO (little Harry's gotten pretty hot!). I even put on a bathing suit and laid out on the patio, which was necessary, of course, to remedy some awkward tan lines I got while riding horses with my sister.

I read once, in an online AP psych class in high school, that Type A people are prone to procrastinating because they are afraid of doing something imperfectly. I'm pretty worried about forgetting something important, so maybe that's why I have half of my stuff still sitting in stacks on my bedroom floor?

I've also been keeping running lists of THINGS I'LL MISS and THINGS I WON'T MISS:

THINGS I WON'T MISS

1. Not being able to buy bean sprouts in Lawrenceburg. Come on.
2. Buying gas.
3. Having to drive everywhere. Makes me want to go into urban planning.
4. My AC-less car.
5. Did I mention buying gas?
6. Evangelical channels, radio stations, people. Vomit.
7. Overweight women in cut-off shorts yelling at their children that they'll "knock them out" for accidentally knocking a can of peas off the shelf in the grocery store.
8. Hearing President Bush talk.
9. Privatized health care.
10. Being landlocked.
11. SUVs.
12. The new McDonalds that is disrupting the scenic view from my back porch.
13. McDonalds in general.
14. GUNS. Owning guns is illegal in Vietnam. In Lawrenceburg, people drive around with them displayed in the backs of their trucks. Vomit.
15. The American tendency to knock down buildings and re-build them. Knocking down "old" McDonalds, Taco Bells, Walgreens, and building new ones in the exact same spot. How wasteful.

THINGS I'll MISS

1. My bedroom.
2. Watching FRASIER, my faaavorite show. The way I see it, there are two kinds of men in this world: The Frasiers, and the not-Frasiers.
3. Baked Lays. Perfect for both hang overs and drives to Nashville.
4. Enough hot water in the shower (I have a lot of hair!)
5. My dog (Roxie) and cat (Alistair, named after Alistair Reed), who I think are in love with each other.
6. Finding clothes/shoes that fit me. I might be able to find some XL shirts, but with size 10 feet, shoes are out of the question.
7. Nashville.
8. Calling Sam whenever I want to.
9. Vickie Cristina Barcelona, Woodie Allen's upcoming movie. Looks sexy, and seems to be a nice homage to one of my favorite cities in Espana.
10. Marche, an amazing little restaurant in East Nashville that never fails to satisfy me with the perfect amount of food. And where Sam and I never fail to see someone we know.
11. Sharing a bathroom with Hayley. ("Hey Mal, we're out of shampoo...)
12. Guilty pleasure songs on the radio.
13. Not having to worry about malaria, dengue fever, or fly larvae in my clothes.

The lists continue to grow.... The only thing I really missed in Spain was enough hot water to wash my hair, body, and face, and shave my legs, in the shower. I had to pick among those tasks each time I showered, and turn the water off while I was shampooing, soaping, shaving... I am total spoiled American in this regard and I'll probably miss "sufficient" amounts of hot water in Vietnam, too. And even though I'll miss all those other things on the list, most of them are trivial. I'm assuming that I'll love living in Vietnam as much as I loved living in Spain, which means that I will so completely fall in love with the place that I will be fine living without the small comforts of my American life. Even in Spain I found patatas bravas to replace my hangover dependency on Baked Lays.

I do think I might legitimately miss finding shoes in my size, though. Apparently the biggest size one can find in Vietnam is usually a 7. So I've been stocking up on shoes to last me the year. Yesterday I got FOUR pairs--including a pair of Aerosoles and a pair of Clarks--for 63 dollars. Sometimes my thriftiness pleases me to no end.

My only obstacles now are a few more errands in Lexington, a bit more organization, some bills to pay (would help if Fulbright would pay me already!), and......packing.

I did receive a bit of bad news. My fellow Fulbrighter who was going to be on my flight from Tokyo to Hanoi will no longer be on the flight. Her VISA won't be in on time for her to leave as scheduled, so she won't be arriving to Hanoi with me.

In better news, the hotel I'll be living in for the month of August does have internet. Apparently I just can't read. Also, I found an acupuncture institute in Hanoi that provides treatments for $10 a visit. UNBELIEVABLE. Between acupuncture and massage, I should finally be able to solve this back problem that has mystified two doctors and a chiropractor.

I can't believe I have three and a half days left here. It feels so unreal. I guess finishing my packing would make it seem more realistic.

6 days.

I have less than a week left before I fly to Hanoi. I wish I had posted more in the past week and a half about my preparations and thoughts, but I've been driving back and forth between Kentucky and Nashville and hanging out with my little sister and my sweetheart. I'm just now back in Kentucky for good, and I'm facing an intimidating "Do Me" list, including lots of shopping. And I hate shopping. (Unless it's at Whole Foods, of course!)

Anyway, here's what's been going on.

Last Monday (14th) I took Hayley for on a "sister trip" to Nashville. I brought her down to there a couple summers ago, and I've been promising her another trip since then. With no AC in my car (went out at the beginning of summer. blah), we drove with the windows down, the radio up (no cd player either), and with plenty of cold drinks. Once in Nashville, and having picked Sam up at the airport for his latest European tour, I took Hayley on a mini Tour de Asian Food. I should point out that this was at her request. We did Thai (failed), Indian (huge success--she wanted to go back), Vietnamese (not her favorite but she ate it), and even Taiwanese bubble tea (ultimately successful). I was disappointed that she lacked an inherent love of pad thai and bun chay, but I think it's pretty awesome that at 14 she was willing to try so much new food. When I was 14, I wouldn't even touch Chinese food, so kudos to my favorite little sister.

Starting the drive

Sam and I also took Hayley to Pancake Pantry, a longstanding Nashville tradition and the first place Hayley asked to go. We ordered entirely too much food.

Sam, me, and Hayley waiting in line at Pancake Pantry

Too much food!

And monkey that she is, she wanted to go explore some parks. Including Dragon Park, which seems to be Nashville's take on Park Güell.

Sam and me at Dragon Park

We went to some movies (THE DARK KNIGHT and WALL-E, the latter of which I loved), spent a lot of time relaxing, eating good food, drinking bubble tea, playing Wii. Not terribly eventful but fun and memorable. Unfortunately, it was my last week with Hayley. After the trip she was leaving for vacation with her dad's family. She and I are 8 years apart, and in the past we haven't been really close. But in the last year--even in the last few months--we've become such good friends. We complement each other. I'm the nerd and she's the athlete. I can wonder about the Latin roots of words, and she can tell you what kind of freon you need in your car or how tie a barrel knot. I travel to Vietnam and she rappels down the sides of huge buildings. She's the handiest 14-year-old I know. And she's funny. And smart. And beautiful. And so thoughtful. And I absolutely adore her. I tried to make little friendship bracelets as a parting gift, but my bracelets looked terrible. The hemp was too thick. Of course, Hayley graciously accepted the bracelet I made, promised to wear it (even I don't want to wear the one I made), and then proceeded to make two sophisticated, minimalist, hip bracelets out of some thinner hemp she had buried in her closet. I'm wearing one of her bracelets.

Hayley doing some bungee thing while we waited in line for an early viewing of DARK KNIGHT on Imax.

I've also had a birthday recently. I've been pretty uninterested in it, though, with everything else going on. And I decided to "move" my birthday this year. It's technically the 23rd, but in order to have myself, Sam's family, and my sister all together, we had to celebrate it several days early. Plus, on my actual birthday Sam was leaving for Japan. I wanted the day just to be about preparing for his trip and about us enjoying one of the last times he and I will be together before I go. (I'll only see him for one day after he gets back from Japan.) Nevertheless, when I finally got home from Nashville at around midnight on my birthday, I found that my mom (just home from a business trip) was waiting up for me and had made me one of my favorite desserts from childhood. She even had 22 candles in it, and sang me Happy Birthday. I didn't remember the last time I blew out candles or had someone sing Happy Birthday to me!

In other news, I finally got my VISA! Now my passport officially has the world "socialist" in it. Eat that, Uncle Sam. Still haven't received my first check yet though. And I need it. Vomit.

Also, Sam and I booked his first flight to visit me! He's coming on October 28th and leaving November 9th. Having his visit already lined up makes leaving easier. But leaving is already as easy as it can be: He and I have been doing the long-distance thing for 4 years now, never in the same place for more than a month or so at a time. We've even had quite a bit of practice with one of us being out of the country. And we're both doing exciting things and "following our bliss". We're going to miss each other but we both agree that my trip to Vietnam is not that big of a deal. Totally manageable. In fact, he'll come visit probably 3 times, which means that we'll only go about 3 months without seeing each other. No biggie!

And on the subject of Sam in Asia, he is in Tokyo right now and left me an intoxicated Skype voicemail explaining that if/when he's not playing with Folds anymore, he wants to move to Tokyo or Shanghai for a while with me. I'm not sure where Shanghai fits in, since he's never been there and has not, to my knowledge, ever had the slightest interest in the place. But beggars can't be choosers--and I'm definitely a beggar with him when it comes to living out of the country--so I'll take whatever expat ambitions of his I can get.

Another news update: I now know that for the month of August I will be living at the Quan Hoa Hotel in Hanoi. Thanks to Fulbright for putting me up in what looks like an adorable little hotel with a swimming pool and massage services. Not sure about internet in the hotel but you'd think that a place with a pool and five tennis courts would have wifi. I'm vagina-crossing my fingers.

Ok, last thing. I finished EAT PRAY LOVE last night, and I have a few of comments. First, I love her thoughts about learning a language. Second, the book was a little heavy, for my taste at least, on "God" with a capital G. Third, I liked Bali best. Hanging out on a beautiful island, riding a bike everywhere, befriending a wise old medicine man and a spunky young medicine woman, raising money to buy a house for the latter individual and her children, having an affair with an older Brazilian man who lives in Bali.... When I got to that last part, I thought, "Finally--some good steamy sex is the only thing this book was missing." But--and this is my fourth comment--I was a little disappointed that Liz fell in love with this guy and spent the last half of her time in Bali with him instead of spending time with the medicine man or medicine woman. She's married to the Brazilian now--look out for her next book, WEDDINGS AND EVICTIONS, which will chronicle that adventure--and I wont begrudge her her happiness. I was just looking forward to book about a woman's journey of self-discovery that did not, for once, include meeting some guy and falling in love. To her credit, she had pretty well discovered herself before she fell in love. And the Brazilian guy did seem pretty incredible. Reminded me a lot of Sam, except for the part about being Brazilian. And finally--fifth comment: that woman totally stole my idea. I was going to travel the world and, for the first part of the year, just be a little pleasure machine. Eat whatever, drink whatever. And then I was going to go to India or somewhere and meditate for a few months to cleanse myself. I guess I can still do those things, but I'll just have to write my bestseller about something else instead. Maybe Vietnam.

Coming of Age

In high school--about six or seven years ago, I guess--I discovered a poet named Sharon Olds. She immediately became one of my favorites. At the time I was writing a lot of poetry myself and I identified with her style a bit. I also loved what she wrote about--gritty subjects, shameful behavior, like the time she poured bleach into her sister's goldfish bowl just to see what it would do to the fish. She wrote about things that I was still too embarrassed to talk about even in the poems that I would never show anyone....

The poem below is my favorite of hers, and is one of my five or so favorite poems ever. It's 2008 now, not 1966, but coming of age still feels the same for me in a lot of ways. And with my upcoming trip to Vietnam--now only 16 days away--I identify more than ever with the young girl speaking in the poem.


Coming of Age 1966
Sharon Olds

When I came to sex in full, not sex
by fits and starts, but day and night,
when I lived with him, I thought I'd go crazy
with shock and awe. In Latin class
my jaw would drop when I would remember
the night, the morning, the in the out the
in, the long torso of the beloved
lowered lifted lowered. When he wasn't
there, when he worked 36 On,
8 Off, 36 On, 8 Off,
I'd sit myself down to memorize Latin
so as not to go mad--my brain felt like a
planet gone oval, wobbling out of
orbit, pulling toward a new ellipsis,
I learned a year of Latin in a month,
aced the test, made love, wept, when he was
working all night I'd believe that a burglar might
actually be climbing the wall outside my window,
palm to the stone rosette, toe on the
granite frond, like the prowler who'd scaled the first
storey next door, been peeled from the wall
and kicked in the head. And every time
I tried to write a love poem,
giving the lovers their flesh on the page,
the child with her clothes burned off by napalm
ran into the poem screaming. I was
a Wasp child of the suburbs, I felt
cheated by Lyndon Johnson, robbed of my
entrance into the erotic, my birthright
of ease and joy. I understood
almost nothing of the world, but I knew that I was
connected to the girl running, her arms
out to the sides, like a plucked heron, I was
responsible for her, and helpless to reach her,
like the man on the sidewalk, his arms up
around his head, and all I did
was memorize Latin, and make love, and sometimes
march, my heart aching with righteousness.

Look at what I'm missing.

The "opening beach party" for the Miss Universe Pageant, which will be held in Nha Trang tomorrow. I was told to wear a one-piece bathing suit due to Vietnam's conservative standards of dress, but maybe after this the country is ready for more bikinis. Especially matching ones.

Charge it!

I've never had a credit card, but I decided that I might want to have one for emergencies in Vietnam. After trying to navigate my way through the Visa and Mastercard websites, I was utterly confused about how to even get a credit card and which type I should have. Luckily, my grandfather told me I could just get one through my bank. Who knew?

At the bank today, the young man helping me apply for the credit card was so helpful. He suggested that maybe I would like the Student Card. But when he explained that the limit was only $500, and that the interest rate was about 18%, I asked for another option. What if I needed to get out of the country really quickly, or had a medical emergency, and my debit card wasn't working? $500 wouldn't cover any big emergencies. And 18% is a really high interest rate!

Then the nice bank man suggested the PLATINUM card. Lower interest rate, higher limit. But we thought I might not qualify since I didn't have any credit history. At least, I thought I didn't. As it turns out, though, I have an amazing credit score--thanks to the Student Loan People. I borrowed a few thousand dollars when I went to Spain (since I wouldn't be working and needed to support myself somehow). Since the loan is deferred, it shows up on my credit history like I've paid every monthly payment on time. And voila! An awesome credit rating for not really doing anything. I walked out of the bank the proud holder of a Mastercard with a $2000 limit and a 1.9% interest rate. (Ok, so I wasn't really holding the card--it's being mailed to me.)

The guy also took the time to give me a nice little "credit tutorial". He turned his computer screen to me, showed me where late payments show up on my credit report, where on-time payments show up, how my debt-to-income ratio is established, etc. I really didn't know anything about credit ratings, so the information was really helpful. (Preparing for this trip has been such a learning experience!) And he said that I'll be "good to go" to finance things when I get back if I keep my rating above 720. Just make my payments on time, and don't accumulate too much debt. Sounds easy enough for now.

Although, unless my first check from Fulbright comes soon, I'm going to have start swiping my new plastic much earlier than I expected.

Oh, and Sam's coming back on Monday as planned. Yay! I guess vagina-crossing my fingers actually does work.....

Three weeks to go.

With only three weeks to go, I'm an emotional box of chocolates--you never know how you're going to feel. I vacillate between excitement, fear, joy, nervousness, anxiety, serenity. Plus, I'm a little disappointed in myself for being so emotional about this. Going to Spain was no biggie. Why am I so wigged out about Vietnam? I'm a snail who carries her home on her back. I'm a nomad. Leaving is supposed to be easy for me.

Today has been especially hard. I said goodbye to my grandfather--one of the most dear people in my life--after a short yet blissful trip to see him in Westerville, Ohio. When I was a kid I would stay with him for a week or so each summer, without the rest of my family there. Those times were so special to me, and remain some of my fondest childhood memories. My trip to see him this week was the first time I'd gone to visit him alone since I was 15 or so, and I could kick myself for waiting so long to do this again. I also said goodbye to his wife, who is for all purposes my grandmother. She's been around since I was born, and is the only grandmother I have that is still living and/or still talks to the family. I couldn't have picked a better, cooler grandmother if I tried, though. The three of us had a lovely time, going out to dinner, taking bike rides to the Hoover Dam, watching Anthony Bourdain's Vietnam episode, talking about life. But eventually we had to hug and cry and say goodbye. I don't like these goodbyes. They're not just normal goodbyes of the "see you at Thanksgiving" variety. These goodbyes feel heavier. I almost feel like I'm saying goodbye forever, but I know I'm coming back next June.

Riding bikes to the dam....

Enjoying the lovely weather down by the dam....

Part of Denise's garden--a plush little Eden, a beautiful retreat.

Back in Lawrenceburg, I decided to make some pad thai with tofu and veggies for dinner, and watch Anthony Bourdain's Laos episode to cheer me up. Unfortunately, the meal was only so-so (I messed up the tofu somehow), and the Laos episode was upsetting. Bourdain spent a good portion of the episode going out into fields with a group called UXO-Lao. UXO stands for "unexploded ordinance", and this group's mission was to find unexploded munitions, mines and bombs and detonate them. I learned from Bourdain that the US dropped more bombs on Laos than we dropped on Germany and Japan combined during WW2. FYI--We weren't at war with Laos, remember? Nevertheless, about 30% of the 260 million munitions and bombs we dropped on Laos failed to explode, leaving 78 million unexploded ordinances in Lao soil. These UXOs continue to kill and maim innocent people of Laos, many of whom weren't even alive during the war. (In fact, over 50% of casualties from the UXOs are children.) Bourdain also visited a family victimized by the UXOs--the father/husband had lost a leg and arm from hitting a cluster munition while doing household repairs. I was already crying about all the bombs we dropped on this country, and I just kept crying as Bourdain talked and ate with this man and his family. His wounds left him unable to work, to support his family, to see himself in the same way he had before.....The man asked Bourdain if he was afraid to face such a reality. Bourdain said no, that it was important for us to understand the repercussions of our actions. But what a tragic reality it is. The man was a child during the war and doesn't even remember it happening, yet he is nevertheless a belated causality of it.

(unexploded cluster munitions found by UXO Lao)

I also finished Bobbie Ann Mason's IN COUNTRY, a book about a young Kentucky girl trying to understand the Vietnam war and her relation to it. The novel ends with Sam, the protagonist, visiting the Vietnam Memorial, so I immediately transitioned to reading SHRAPNEL IN THE HEART, which is a collection of letters and remembrances that people left at the Vietnam Memorial. I'm not sure if I'll finish this book before I leave, because I can't get through a single page without having to put the book down and blow my nose from crying. Letters written by mothers, siblings, sweethearts, friends from the war, combined with stories that people had to tell about the loved ones they lost.... I don't remember ever reading anything that was so hard to get through. It feels important though, so I'm just keeping the tissue stocked beside my bed, and moving slowly through the book, one soldier at a time. Reading about the goodbyes between these men and their loved ones makes me feel guilty for being sad about my own present goodbyes.

Dan Lee Neely, a young man remembered in the book. He was 20 when he died.

With all the crying today, I was relieved to find an email tonight with my VISA approval code in it. This means I will be allowed to enter Vietnam! Apparently everyone in Nha Trang is really busy dealing with the Miss Universe Pageant, or an of international conference that will be held at the university in a couple weeks, or with school exams, so I was concerned that my VISA application might get severely delayed.

Now that my VISA is pretty much taken care of, I have something else to vagina-cross* my fingers about: Sam coming back from Europe on Monday, as scheduled. There's a chance he might be held up in Europe for work-related tasks. We only have about a week together before I go, and I'm feeling protective of that time. Furthermore, the Youtube videos suck lately, making it even more urgent that I see him soon.

And since I've been so preoccupied with Vietnam stuff, I've nearly forgotten that my birthday is in 12 days. Too bad I can't have it in Vietnam--I love having birthdays away! I guess Christmas, Thanksgiving, and every other holiday spent in Vietnam will have to suffice.


*Just to clarify, crossing your fingers the way we do for good luck is considered especially obscene in Vietnam because it's thought to represent female genitalia.

And I thought things couldn't get any better.

But they have. A fellow Fulbrighter, who I met during the conference call last week and who seems uber cool, just informed me that she is on my flight from Tokyo to Hanoi. She also told me that she has a friend in Hanoi who has offered to pick her up from the airport, and that this friend could give me a ride as well. (Or at least we could share a cab.) AND, said friend has additionally offered to show us around Hanoi before orientation starts. Pretty great, huh?

But then things got even more exciting. Shortly after talking with Becca, the girl with the hospitable friend in Hanoi, I received a comment on my blog from a woman who is going to Nha Trang on a Fulbright Lectureship Grant. Absolutely unbelievable. She won't be there until January, but it seems that we both will be working with the English department.

Whenever I feel like my luck can't get any better, it does.

Now I just need my luck to continue so that my VISA paperwork comes through in time. I guess there's nothing left to do but vagina-cross my fingers and wait.

"Seems we have both stumbled upon paradise, haven't we?"

The words of two expats in Nha Trang, as quoted in what is possibly the most exciting article about Nha Trang that I've read. It made me cry. I just cannot believe my good fortune. And I'm not sure how I feel about the possibility of being irrevocably held in the hypnotizing clutches of the city. Actually, I do know how I feel. I know it would be all too easy to "go bamboo", to surrender myself....

This, please.

I've realized that it could be a problem that I don't speak Vietnamese. As such, I've been cramming. Between the youtube instruction, my phrasebook/dictionary, and the recently discovered "Learn Vietnamese" podcasts, I'm making a little progress. I have down some of the essentials: "hello" and "goodbye" (they're the same), "please", "this/that please", "Where's the bathroom?", "Can you Speak English?" "I don't understand" and "thank you". The tones are even harder to master than I imagined! Especially the one that goes up and down in the same syllable. It throws me off every time! And unfortunately it's right in the middle of "Where's the bathroom?" I'm a little bummed that there's no conjugation in Vietnamese. The verbs never change form--you just add a word before the verb it indicate tense. I guess it's easier this way, but I sure love conjugating.

The language struggles are accompanied by a couple other difficulties. While going through luggage the other day, I realized that it was finally time to throw out my suitcase that had a hole in the bottom from when I dragged it a couple kilometers along dirt path in Madrid. (Long story, but it ended with me getting lost and asking prostitutes for directions). It was a loyal, sturdy suitcase--even with the hole--and it got me through London, Spain, France, Germany, Italy, the Mayer tour last summer, and a New Year's trip to Seattle and the Sand Juan Islands. Too bad it couldn't make it to Vietnam.

I also had my first big goodbye yesterday, to my dear friend Corey. She's moving to Seattle in the next few days to work with the City Year Program. We're both going off on our own adventures, and we're excited, but it's always hard saying goodbye. She's a girl after my own heart, though--branching out in the world, settling alone in a new town, doing a lot of work for not a lot of money. :) Ah, kindred spirits.

In Fulbright news, I haven't received my VISA yet and I'm starting to get worried. Also, there was a conference call on Tuesday with our supervisor in Vietnam. I finally got to talk to some other Fulbrighters, which was exciting. And I learned that during the month of orientation, five of us will be staying at the university and the other five at a nearby hotel.

Right now I miss living at my own university. I have to admit it: I miss school. I miss living downtown. I miss the routine. I miss the work, even. Maybe I'm just having a bout of "small town fever". This condition is further evidenced by the fact that today when Sam told me the "good news" that they would be touring in Spain next summer--he thought I would be excited-- I immediately started crying. It was a reflex reaction, partly due to cabin fever and partly (mostly) due to a pang of sadness. I miss Spain every single day. Part of me belongs and needs to be there.

Maybe this time next year I'll feel the same way about Vietnam.....

Lastly, here's what my stalking of Sam has turned up recently. They're at a festival in Germany here: